I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
