Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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