I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
