If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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