I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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