covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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