You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
