Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
