haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
