sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
