oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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