You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
