She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
