in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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