just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
