Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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