im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
