She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
