I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
