so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
