worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
