D3 body, D1 cock
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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