hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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