I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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