my mouth tastes like poor choices
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
