sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
