I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
