Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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