my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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