I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize