just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
