you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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