it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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