I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
