this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
