"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
