You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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