This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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