I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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