So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
