Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
