just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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