She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize