I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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