I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
