I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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