I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
