maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
