We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
