she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
