the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
