just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
