I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
