What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
