do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
