She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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