Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
