Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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