i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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