you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
nutella sex= disaster
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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